A's Could Be The Best Football Team in Oakland

Seth Smith backed up
Eli Manning at Ole Miss
long before he
joined the A's lineup.
(Courtesy NY Times)

By Zach Zavoral,

With the NFL regular season beginning this week, and with the Oakland A’s hitting their annual September stride, the parallels between Oakland’s Raiders and A’s appear clearer than the second base dirt at the 50-yard line of the Coliseum.

The Raiders are bad and the entire nation knows it. But perhaps what nobody realizes, including both Billy Beane and Reggie MacKenzie, is that the Oakland A’s may have the best football team in Oakland.

QB: Seth Smith, 6’3”, 210 lbs. Former Ol’ Miss QB, backup to Eli Manning. You know who else has backed up Eli Manning? Kurt Warner, and he’s a borderline Hall of Famer.

RB: Yoenis Cespedes, 5’10”, 210 lbs. Built like Raider great Bo Jackson, Cespedes has speed, agility, and the most power in the league, as evidenced in the 2013 Home Run Derby.

FB: Josh Donaldson, 6’0”, 220 lbs. Stout, powerful. Experienced “run blocker” as a former catcher. Very hard hitter; just ask A.J. Pierzynski (see photo above).

Chris Young's look
screams wide receiver.

WR: Chris Young, 6’2”, 190 lbs. Fast, athletic, great hands, exceptional leaping ability. And he definitely has the style of a pro wide receiver.

Reddick sporting a Bulldogs uni
last week before a game.

WR: Josh Reddick, 6’2”, 180 lbs. A Golden Glove signifies the best hands in baseball. Reddick has speed, length, and “golden” hands. Plus he has a rocket arm for those tricky flea-flickers.

Nate Freiman makes any man seem tiny.

TE: Nate Freiman, 6’8”, 250 lbs. Freiman is already the largest man in baseball. If he joined the NFL, he’d be the biggest Tight End. Good hands as a first baseman. May need help blocking, but what Raider doesn’t need help blocking?

LT: Derrick Norris, 6’0”, 230 lbs. A quick-footed, agile catcher that lets nothing by, Norris could be a perfect LT with a little weight gain.

RT: AJ Griffin, 6’5”, 230 lbs. You ever seen Griffin cover first base? This pitcher scares the dirt away under his cleats as he runs.

LG: Kurt Suzuki, 5’11”, 210 lbs. Veteran catcher can pull on the counter run and block with the best of them.

RG: Stephen Vogt, 6’0”, 230 lbs. Another quick-footed catcher with power and a low center of gravity.

Yoenis Cespedes, as shown in this
training video, could probably
start on any given NFL team
this weekend if he so desires.

C: Bartolo Colon, 5’11”, 255 lbs. A shoe-in as a center. Always the leader of hogs, always the silent fighter in the trenches, Colon could lead the A’s undersized o-line to victory.

DEFENSE (3-4)

NT: Colon. Yeah, Colon plays both ways. He’s got the stamina to go 9-innings, he can do 60 minutes.

I challenge you to get past this man.

DE: Freiman. He’d be the tallest defensive end in the NFL, too.

DE: Michael Taylor, 6’5”, 255 lbs. Strength tops the charts. Speed and power is there to destroy any o-lineman.

ILB: Alberto Callaspo, 5’9”, 225 lbs. A strong-side run-stopping inside linebacker with incredibly fleet feet and an eye for the ball.

ILB: Cespedes. Built like Ray Lewis on deer antler spray.

LOLB: Brandon Moss, 6’0”, 220 lbs. a southpaw with incredible power. Versatile defender.

ROLB: Norris. The look in this man’s eyes screams “kill the QB”.

CB: Coco Crisp, 5’10”, 185 lbs. Arguably the fastest man in baseball, Coco has the agility and coordination to shut-down any receiver better than Nnamdi Asomughah.

CB: Jemile Weeks, 5’9”, 170 lbs. As fast as Crisp, Weeks is hard-nosed and scrappy as a defender, just the spark the Raiders need.

SS: Grant Balfour, 6’2”, 200 lbs. Every team wants a wild, adrenaline-pumped, borderline psychotic like Balfour at strong safety.

FS: Josh Reddick. The definition of a “ball hawk”.